When I was a child, I watched helplessly as my father beat my mother. Growing up, I was tortured with the sound of my mother’s wails and I lived in constant fear of my father. One day, my mother whispered to me, “let’s just die together”. Hearing this from my mother’s soft voice traumatized me more than any of my father’s yelling because I knew my mother did not want to live anymore.
I blamed myself for being the cause of my mother’s suffering. If it weren’t for me, my mother would not be married to a monster. I started questioning why I was born, why life was so unfair, and what kind of God would allow me and my mother to suffer so much?
I could not accept that this way of life was all there was to my existence, and when I was old enough, I set out to find the meaning of my life. At first, I wanted to find a way to heal from the trauma of my childhood. I tried years of therapy, but they did not work to remove the PTSD. Then I started this meditation.
The first time I enlightened clearly that “the universe is me”, I felt 30 years of agony melt away in a moment. And as I continued through the levels, I started to feel something I had never felt before – hope. I honestly do not have the adjectives to describe how amazing this meditation is. But what I can say is that all of the fear, trauma, suffering, and questioning that I had held onto growing up no longer existed inside of me.
It is 100% gone. What a powerful method.